My Journey to Mediumship
Mediumship was never part of the plan. When I created Mindful Dose back in 2019, it was only to be a yoga instructor who did tarot readings on the side. It was meant to be a hands-on and tactile experience for myself and my students. I dabbled in crystal healing and explored the world of energy healing at a subtle level. The truth is I wasn’t sure where my niche was but, I followed my heart wherever it took me as my life experiences opened doors to the different avenues of energy healing.
And then, the world as we knew it shut down in 2020. I left my job in a crystal warehouse and stayed home with my husband for the 3 months that followed. That quarantine time was frightful at the time, but hindsight tells me that time was a chrysalis of magic and love. We were only a year into our relationship by the time quarantine was enforced, so the 3 months we spent day to day together, brought us closer than gorilla glue on your art project. I can say that time aged our relationship years as we saw every emotion, every habit, every trait of our personality in those 3 months. And we walked away from quarantine, returning to our 9-5 schedule feeling stronger in our connection. It was us against the world.
After returning to our jobs, we realized a lot about ourselves and the fatigue we experienced with our life in NJ. Together, we decided to leave our 10 foot ceiling, 3-bedroom spacious apartment, and move up to the Catskills. We left our jobs, packed a U-Haul and hiked up 100 miles north for the next chapter of our lives together.
For the next 2.5 years, we lived and worked from home together, which was a blessing to the max! We simply continued our quarantine experience where we witness every phase of our day together, it was truly “us against the world” every single day. Not that we were actively fighting against the world, but just to give you an idea of how close we became. We cooked together, we went grocery shopping together, and we ran errands together. We were a unit.
We decided to build a family in the new year after moving up to NY. It took a few months, but Bambini was created and we found out I was pregnant in August 2021. It was my best friend, Kim’s, birthday when I found out and I thought that was such a gift. By this point, Kim had been fighting against brain cancer for 8 months. She was on the road to recovery as her prognosis looked promising.
My pregnancy was great in that I felt welcomed by the parent community, supported by women, and shared so much love with my husband. My birthday came around in February and I had a chance to spend it with Kim, who, by this point was done with her treatment and on the upswing of her healing. I will forever be grateful for this birthday because it was the last time I saw Kimberly. Within a week, she fell sick again and it was determined that her cancer had spread and it was terminal. At this point, I started to grieve, and the last couple months of my pregnancy were emotionally tough. My body was changing faster than I could notice and I was forced to say goodbye to Kim from a distance. Kim, was also changing faster than I could accept.
I made it to 40 weeks and scheduled an induction as I was not showing signs of labor. My husband and I were so stoked to get the show on the road. By this point, Kim, was no longer Kim as I remembered her, so I left my thoughts for her behind so that I can focus on labor. I spent 11 hours in labor before it was decided we had to move forward with an emergency c-section. I remember waiting in the hospital bed for them to move me to the surgery room. I was watching the clock and it was 3:30 AM as Jason changed into his lucky wrestling t-shirt before putting on scrubs.
Our son was born an hour later via C-Section and it was one of the best experiences Jason and I have had as a couple. Witnessing our love come to life in human form is an experience I reflect on, almost daily. By early morning, at a decent time, I texted everyone on my contact list, announcing the birth of our son. A good friend of mine, called shortly after my message to tell me the news that Kimberly, my friend of 16 years had passed only 45 minutes before I gave birth.
To that, Jason said, “It’s cosmic.”
Kimberly was the first person I ever had to grieve for. At 28 years old, I had experienced what is called anticipatory grief, where grief occurs before the person has died. Because of the distance, and my pregnancy limiting my ability to drive towards the end of that/her life, I felt grief in a weird way. I couldn’t understand it, and like all grief, I hated it.
My son’s first year of life was, in the best way, a wild ride. A story for another time.
Jason was there for every first of our son’s life. First Father’s Day, first Halloween, first Thanksgiving, first Christmas, first birthday… Jason even acknowledged our first year without Kim. “It’s cosmic”.
In June of 2023, on a rainy Tuesday midnight, my greatest love…. Jason died suddenly. I don’t have the words to paint the picture of how devastating that time was. How agonizing it was to lose a member of our family, whose sole purpose was to be there for his family. How it was to lose someone you spent every single day of your life with for the last 4 years.
But then… something birthed within me. In the depths of death, light was shown and I learned that our loved ones still live on, even though they’re not here physically with us. Hours after I came home from the hospital with our son, my mother and brother showed up to pick up my son, so that I be alone. When they left, I grabbed mine and Jason’s phone. I made it to the bottom of the steps when my phone began to ring… and it was Jason’s phone, calling mine. I saw his caller ID, his photo, on my screen like I saw a ghost… his phone was in my other hand, screen black and inactive. It was in that moment that I began to recognize when Jason, in the ether, is communicating with me, and when that connection is not active. My evidence is in the 4 years we spent together, day in and day out. When that connection is active, I can feel his presence in my bones and I feel an overwhelming sense of love. When the connection is inactive, I feel it as a memory with a twinge of grief.
When Jason died, I needed closure and I sought a medium to help me find peace in his passing. In our session, she brought him “to life”, and he communicated through her so clear, addressing all the details that were affecting my grieving. He proved to me that he was still with me and that life carries on after we die.
I was inspired by own loss and mediumship experience, to become a medium myself. My story isn’t just about loss, it’s about the expansion of my journey that started way before loss.
Mediumship wasn’t a part of the plan and I’m grateful that it has become the plan.
